[12/26/2005]
When it's time to hold on and when it's time to let go
If there is anybody in the world who can tell me how to know the exact time in which you should hold on or let go of someone, please contact me, because I'm going crazy. It's practically an impossible task. You never know. You have two choices and either of them could go wrong. First, you could leave the person before anything actually happens or you could hold on and wait to see what happens, give the relationship a chance. Well...
The problem with number one is you might make a mistake. You might overthink reactions, conversations, arguments or even awkward situations and leave a person who never really did anything worth being left for. You might lose someone good. The problem with number two is, if something does happen, you will have a prolonged time of suffering. There will always be mistery, mistrust, loss of loyalty, madness... Things will happen that wouldn't have happened if you had left before.
But how do you know? Most people will say that you can tell by your day-to-day life. How well it's going, or how bad. If there have been any major changes in mood, lifestyle, routine from the day the relationship started to the present day. But there are so many things that can't trigger a mood swing or a lack of affection that it becomes impossible to tell when different actions actually mean something. And also, each person is different from the other. We all have different personalities, ways, moods, etc. Each reaction from each person means something different.
The most difficult case in which to work some kind guessing is when you "just can't tell" by the persons' reactions. When everything seems normal, but isn't. You try and try to figure out what's wrong, but you just can't point out where the mess is. The person smiles, the person kisses, holds you, caresses you, talks to you. But you can tell something is different. Even when the person is entirely sincere and truthful, there is something that holds you back. Little things that can get complicated. Little things that you never imagined could ever be a problem. Those simple things could wreck what could be a great adventure, a great relationship.
You start to ask yourself if you deserve to feel like you do. Abandoned, traded for someone else's company, lied to, you're not being trusted. You feel like you are just a sideshow at a huge event. You're something that can be played with everyday, just for fun. But when the main event decided to open, you must remember you're just a sideshow. You sit at home alone thinking, reminding yourself, telling yourself that you are no sideshow. At least, you shouldn't be. You were born to be the main attraction. If you choose someone to be a part of your life and, at the same time, are chosen to be a part of that persons life, then a sort of silente implicit pact is made. A pact that involves everything that will be a part of that relationship: openness, trust, fidelity, conversation, compromisse, understanding.
In life, you must always think of yourself first, spiritually. You must do the things that you believe are best for you. In a relationship, you must consider how something will affect not just you, but the person you are with. Thats what a relationship really is: a compromisse, an agreement that is reached that will benefit both parties, that will be good and satisfying for each person, not just for one or the other. In a relationship you must be exclusively individualisticly dependent on the other person.
The moment that you make the other person cry, feel sad, lost or alone because of something that you wanted no matter what, is when you should start thinking about whether you really want to be in a relationship or not. Because nothing in the world is worth a tear streaking the cheek of the person you love. Or at least you say you love. No man or woman deserves to be left alone wondering what they did wrong when the fault belongs to someone else. If someone is not ready to be in a relationship, then they should think very well before involving someone whose only mistake was to allow love inside their hearts once again.
So... You never know when it's time to leave somebody. Different people make different mistakes. Different mistakes call for different reactions. I guess the real question isn't when is it time to hold on or to let go? But rather: how long will you allow your heart to beat a different beat before realizing that, before anything else, it should beat for you first? In other words, you don't have to try and understand every man or woman, every situation, every fight. Because they're all different. You have to try and feel what is best for you. Because when suddenly you are in a relationship and alone, it's the same as if you were just alone. No one was born to be a ghost, just floating beside a person who never notices you.
You first. Love after.
[10/11/2005]
Rockabye Angel
Larissa Fernandes
(verse)
In a far away place
Where the clouds are always dark
She walks around the room
With her hand around her heart
She sits on the stairs
Screams that life isn't fair
She dreams of someone who will take her away
She's digging deeper in this hole
She lost all her self-control
She needs someone to know her name
(bridge)
Where will this go
Where will this take her
If she can't be alone
And she's afraid of the unknow
She'll need someone to bring her home
(chorus)
Oohhhh
And if she falls from herself during the night
Who will be there to save all of her dreams
And if she cries and the tears that fall hurt her eyes
Who will be there to wipe away all the sadness that she weeps
Someone please rock this angel to sleep
(verse 2)
She searches through the TV
Looking for some peace of mind
The pills and the bottles
Keep her company through the night
She didn't mean to sink this low
There were so many things she didn't know
She was following an invisible road
She didn't want to lead this life
But she didn't realize
Until she found out she was loving a ghost
(bridge 2)
When will this end
When will she breath again
So many things that she's afraid of
She needs someone to save her
Before she looses all her wings forever
(chorus)
(bridge 3)
And the moment that she falls
She finally sees it all
All her mistakes are taken away
And as she flies back to the sky
She can hardly wave goodbye
Because she knows she will never fall again...
(chorus)
[6/29/2005]
I Never Listen To You
I've been listening to the same sweet songs
But they all sound like blues
Been playing chords on my guitar
But they all sound so used
Everyone tells me you can change them once in a while
When you don't wanna change yourself
No one understands me
They all think they're right telling me to do whats best for themselves
Thats why I only listen to you
Thats why I only listen to you
Im getting tired of these old chords
Getting tired of these old blues
Thats why I only listen to you
Suddenly
Everyone seems crazy next to me
I feel like I'm not the same person
That I used to be
I love all the wrong people
The wrong people all love me
So whats wrong with this picture
Maybe theres something wrong, maybe theres something wrong with me
Thats why I dont wanna listen to you
Thats why I dont wanna listen to you
The close you get to me
The more I feel abused
Thats why I dont wanna listen to you
The crowdier it gets, the lonelier I get
Im trying to find myself in this crazy world of mine
The brighter the sun gets, the darkes I feel
Inside Im all messed up but Im ready to shine
I never listen to you
I never listen to you
Suddenly I see clearly
And its all thanks to you
I never listen to you
Ive got my own life now
My heart is set on someone else
Who is still hanging around
And never gets me down
I never listen to you
Im so happy now
Im just smiling at the clouds
I never hear nobody else
I only listen to my heart
I never listen to you....
Ode to my ex-boyfriend... Pop/rock ballad... ehehehehe... My song... Its registered so no copying... Lalá...
[5/24/2005]
If it only weren't just a story...
But I love you, that's all - He said, lowering his head.
That's all? - She answered with a warming smile - That's everything!
One of those phrases you pick up in the middle of a book and you just can't get it out of your head. I read that little text above in one of the first few chapters of a book called "From The Corner Of His Eye" by Dean Koontz. It's not a romance novel, at least it doesnt look like it so far. It's the first time I read this author but hes already caught my attention with some of those few heavy sentences that make a good book. It's funny how when he describes how each caracter feels about each other, he uses simple phrases, simple terms, yet you feel all the intensity in between the lines.
Sometimes I wonder, and I know for a fact that I'm not the only one, if the situations we read about, or see in movies can really happen. Can we really bump into our life-long love partner in the supermarket? Or how about in the elevator? Maybe through the internet? I guess we human beings have a tendency of being afraid that our lives are too short. We spend too much time thinking about what could happen someday instead of paying attention to what IS happening. It's that old story about the guy who's in love with his ideal perfect match who ignores him, and he never notices the cute smart shy little girl sitting beside him all his life. So time passes and when he finally looks to the side, she's gone. And he finally realizes that he's loved HER all along.
Well, maybe that's a little too drastic. It doesn't mean that we can't aim higher or have high expectations. It just means that when we climb, we shouldn't forget to look down to see what we left behind, or to the sides, to see who's beside us on our long trip towards the future. Maybe the problem is that it's just too much to think about. Too many things to worry about or consider when we're making a choice. But, if we forget all of the things that are part of us, we can be mislead into making wrong decisions, based only on what we see when we look straight ahead and not remember whats beside us,behind us or within us. And that's the most important. What's within us. Because if we forget ourselves, we're lost. And no one can save us but ourselves. It's a vicious cycle.
I'm not lost. At least not yet. I have a long life ahead of me, I hope. I have many dreams, many plans and maybe just enough time to get through it all. If I don't, I'll leave a memo for my future generation to keep going from where I left off. Although, if I'm gonna have a future generation, I'll need someone to help me create it. So, if there's anyone out there. I'm here, I'm alone. I'm not lost, but maybe you should hurry, because if I ever lose myself, you won't be able to find me. I don't ask for much. I just want you to love me, that's all.
[5/19/2005]
Away with televisions and computers!
There's something about being confined in a bed with a thermometer stuck under your right armpit that makes you think about how awfully we spend our time. I mean, normally I would be worrying about papers I have to turn in next week and projects I'm going to present, places I'm going to go and movies I'm going to see this weekend on the movie theather. But somehow, all of that seems a bit banal ,now. Who cares what movie I'm going to see... There will always be another movie playing at the movie theather, and if you miss it, there's always pay-per-view or the old walk down to Blockbuster. In other words, some things are worth leaving behind.
I'm going to confess something now. Internet has turned me into an isolated individualistic 19-year-old. I mean, I still have many friends, I still go out on weekends, drink, party and so on and so forth. But whatever happened to middle-of-the-night desperate calls to your best-friend? Or that excited ring in the middle of a party to tell your friend that her future life-long partner is there talking to that sassy blonde? What happened calling people up in the middle of the night when you can't sleep?
Nowadays people don't sleep. Everyone stays up as long as their eyes can take it in front of a computer screen chatting with other insomniacs. First thing I do when I get home from a night out is logging on MSN so I can tell my friends or anyone who wasn't able to sleep about everything I drank or who I saw or which band was playing. When I'm sad, I once again come on the computer to see if any of my best friends are on to help me out. Where are we going with this?
I already traded television for books. Today was the first time in three months that I turned on my TV and watched a show on Warner Channel (Gilmore Girls and Everwood... yuck), right after I finished watching Diaries of a Motorcycle (story of Che Guevaras trip across Latin America with his friend Alberto Granada). The only reason I broke my pact with MTV (their campaign against daily TV-watch: "Turn off your TV and go read a book!") was because I was too weak to hold a book. But it was good. I don't regret it. I'm bound to start watching TV again sooner or later. But my next goal is a little harder to achieve.
Reading is taking up most of my time. Except for when I'm on the computer. But that's the next step. "Turn off your computer and go read a book", hehehhe, that's my motto, now. I turn on the PC and my first reaction is to log on MSN, then I'll check out my fotologs, bloggers and then orkut... Dear God. It's sad, really. So I'm thinking about closing my fotologs account and leaving orkut and just never log on MSN again. Which means I'd have to leave my hotmail address behind if I'm gonna take this seriously. It's going to be hard. But if I get through it, it means that the only things that will bring be to the PC is writing on my blogs (which I can't give up) and doing projects.
What happened to the TV thing was that everytime I turned it off I was left with a heavy conscious thinking that maybe I just waisted a couple of hours of my precious time. Same thing is happening with this net stuff. So I'm trying to focus on things that really matter to me. Even though I'm not studying, I'm reading about things that will stay with me for life. And hopefully, the time I spend in my future will be well served.
Whatever...
[5/18/2005]
I'm sick and have been very tired and busy lately, so I'm not going to apologize for anything whatsoever... Although I'm a big CON for merchandising, this picture on the template was the only good one I could find, so forgive the Coca-Cola implicit ad... Will be back soon, hopefully in a better mood...
[3/31/2005]
Life Projects... What the future holds...
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Life projects, if any...
Well... I guess life projects, to me, are the things I hope to accomplish in the future. No matter what kind or what category they fall under. To be completely honest, I have no idea what my life goals are. I dont know what I want to do with my future. I'm studying in two colleges but I dont see myself as a journalist or an advertiser. So... Is it all in vain? I hope not. Because its taking too much damn time off my schedule...
Anyway, I believe there might be a slight difference between our personal life projects and actual goals. The word "goal" sounds so intimidating, maybe even disencouraging... It gives the impression of something that "has" to be done, something essential, obligated. Doesn't sound like you can have all that too much fun achieving your goals. Although it's not supposed to be fun... It's supposed to be hard, difficult, threatening... You have to fight to reach your goals, attack, battle, lose, cry, win. It's a roller coaster of emotions, deceptions, happiness, victories and losses during a persons life. All result of the fight for a certain goal in life.
Life projects sounds less agressive. It is, in a way. The way I see it, life projects are the things I hope to include in my life, things I hope to start, get done, leave unfinished. It doesn't matter. There are no rules. There are no point in being any. It's just a list of things you hope to do in your life. A list of sports you want to try, songs you want to learn how to play, movies you want to see, countries you want to visit. Life projects are the things that I want to actually define my life... Stories I want to have to tell my grandchildren. Things that complete me, mold me, move me.
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So... What are my projects for the future??
I have some idea. I'm not complete sure, but I can make some predictions. I have some dreams, longings, desires, plans that I want to put in action. Thoughts that I want to write down and songs that I want to play on the guitar. Some of my dreams are a bit out of my league... But what are we, without our impossible dreams or unthinkable desires?
I was talking to a friend of mine a bit earlier. I was going through an existencial crisis of some kind. I had this sudden fear that I might not have enough time in my life to do all the things I wish to do. Got kind of scared. I have too many plans, too many books I want to read, songs I want to write, places I want to visit and sometimes I feel like theres not enough space in my life to fit everything in...
Plus, its hard to work out a dream when not to many people believe in you and have faith in you... The hardest road to walk, is the one you have to walk alone. And it can be kind of scary, it can really drown you out. I know that most things I will achieve in my life will be my own doing and solely my effort, but things are less difficult when you can walk down that bumpy road with a friend... Or just someone who understands you.
Yeah... I dunno whats the point of everything I just said...
I guess I'm afraid of not accomplishing everything I want to accomplish... Well... My life is happening, its breathing, its living and its getting old. I cant waste any more time. No one can. We have to seize the moment, the minute, the second. Carpe Diem... Yeah... Its a cliché sentence... But nevertheless untrue...
What are my plans for the future? I don't know, let the future happen, and I'll find out.. Till then, I'll just keep on living and dreaming...
[3/23/2005]
No News! Latest Happenings:
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So quiet... Another wasted night, the television steals the conversation...
I met a guy recently who seems to have been sent from heaven. Don't get me wrong. I'm not talking love-wise. In fact, love-wise, the Devil seems to have a great liking to me. Anyway, I'm writing about him but I don't to get stuck on the fact that he's a guy, I'd prefer to think of him as a friend... So, back to the beginning... I made a friend recently... Ok, there you go.. Anyway, he's a great guy. He goes to my class and in the beginning I didnt really pay any special attention to him. I already have my friends from last year... But, one day, we were both in the same circle of friends talking about music and he heard me saying that I liked punk rock and alternative rock... He got so excited I thought he was gonna jump up and down and scream "hurray!". Turns out he has a rock band and they play a lot of punk, new metal, emo and stuff.
We got to talking, he got my msn and added me on orkut and we started talking a lot. He has an obsessive compulsive disorder related to music, at least thats the conclusion I came to because we would talk and every 3 minutes que would write the name of a song and band I should get on kazaa... Man, he gave me a huge list! And I mean huge in a way that he started the list two weeks ago and my kazaa still hasnt been able to download them all. But I managed to get 20 or so, so far. And I listenned to them all..
Oh My God! It was love at first site... I had never heard music that fit me so much. The lyrics (seemed to tell my story), the melodies, harmonies, musical arrangement... everything! I recorded a CD with all of them and I have been listening to it religiously every day for the past week...
...
Sometimes it amazes me how ignorant we can be. I learned to listen to the kind of music that everybody listens to and forgot to look for different things... When I started to listen to songs by Dashboard Confessional, Something Corporate, Brand New... I got a whole new vision of music... I started writing again.
I talk about it as if these bands were something like Queen, Rolling Stones, Eagles, Elton John, Mozart, Beethoven or something. Of course they're not. They're far from it, very far. But in the world we live now, all the trends, pop singers, hiphop, funk (yuck) and all other hideousness we see on MTV everyday, it feels wonderful to find teenagers and young adults with underground bands that make great music and compose lyrics that are actually worth paying attention to...
...
Anyway... Enough with that... Maybe if somebody read this blog, all the stupid things I say could have some use... Well.. That doesn't matter...
To finish up, some lyrics of songs I've been listening to recently:
"My hopes are so high that your kiss my kill me,
So won't you kill me, So I'd die happy
My heart is yours to build or burst
To break or bury, or wear as jewelry
Whichever you prefer..."
"You stood at your door with your hands on my waist
And you kissed me like you meant
I knew that you meant it"
-- Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional
"So quiet, another wasted night
The television steals the conversation
Exhale, another wasted breath
Again it goes unnoticed...
Pleas tell me you're just feeling tired
Cuz if its more than that I feel that I might break..
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed
Cuz I cant read your rolling eyes...."
-- Again I Go Unnoticed - Dashboard Confessional
"I can't imagine all the people that you know
And the places where you go when the lights are turned down low
And I cant understand all the things youve seen
But Im slipping in between you and your big dreams....
And you don't wanna be here in the future
So you say the presents' just a pleasant interruption to the past
And you don't wanna look much closer
Cuz you're afraid to find out all that hope
You had sent into the sky by now had crashed..
And it did... because of me...
And if I hurt you, then I'm sorry
Please dont think that this was easy
This is to those nights in my car
When the first star you see maybe not be a star
Im not your star..
Isnt that what you said, what you thought this song meant?
Did you know I miss you?"
-- Konstantine - Something Corporate
Well.. that's it... I didn't really have anything to say.. So I just wrote a bunch of crap to fill up the space...
Thats it for today!
********************************************
[3/9/2005]
News flash! Todays Headlines are:
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And the band played on...
So after I announced to the entire city, and I mean the ENTIRE city, about my passing the test to sing in a famous local poprock band, what happens? Two weeks later they call and say they're not sure... Last rehearsal, we finished up the songlist for the first show and the owner of the band told me to get the word out that I would be singing with them and that our first concert would be march 8th (yesterday)... Anyway... show cancelled, new tests are done, and suddenly I' m in second place... I'm gonna have to do 3 other rehearsals with them so they can be sure they want me... But... since I know I can sing and perform (I've done it before), I've decided to invest in my other band... At least it's fresh, new and we can create our own style... I was thinking maybe a Britney Spears meets Shakira with a hint of early Madonna singing punk rock with acoustic guitar and we could do covers of Garth Brooks... hhhehehehehe... DONT THINK SO! It'll be strictly rock, mix of pop, punk and alternative with one or two hiphop songs that are playing radios right now... We're going to do the arrangements to the songs I wrote and we'll take it from there...
Forgetting that... This friday I'm gonna sing a couple of songs with Diogo and his band D'Vibe at the Buddah Pub... They mix a little old rock (pink floyd, Janis, rolling stones, beatles, kiss, Led) with some adult alternative (pearl jam, eagle eye cherry, goo goo dolls) and stuff.. Should be pretty cool since I started out with them....
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Earth to Venus! Earth to Venus! Mars is calling to action...
Thank God I still have the wit to ensure that I never read those selfhelp books or the ones that go: how to understand the...... mind (fill in the blanks with: male, female, adolescent, adult, horny, fucked up).. hehehe... Now.. It's Men are from Venus and Women are from Mars, right? Or the other way around??
Anyway, I've given up trying to understand men even before I began... and I didnt even have to read a book to figure that out!! You date a guy for a month, he meets your dad, takes you out, pays for your stuff, you're almost at the get-go-back-forth, you tell him you might be starting to maybe grow a liking to him... and he freaks out... Uh!?!?! Hello!?!?!!? sorry, I didnt' know I was supposed to be disgusted of you... I promisse to never like you again, from now on our relationship will revolve around weird silent moments, hot make out sessions and the attraction between us will be strictly sexual... thank god no one reads this...
I'm not that bummed out though... I like guys who are more dinamic... Joke around, make me laugh... We don't have to be serious all the time... My last boyfriend called me "dumb" and I called him "dumber", he'd say I was getting soggy fat and I'd tell him not to go to sun or he'd get white (an inside joke... white people get tanned, black people get white... yea, we shared same taste in bad jokes).... but it was an easygoing relationship... THats what I like... I dont want anybody like my ex... But someone who can learn to be my friend and joke around and still respect me as a girlfriend... DAMN!!! Is that too hard to ask?? Suddenly, lesbianism is becoming very tempting... nahhh don't think so...
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Learn to walk before you learn to crawl...
Nope, the sayind isn't wrong... It's just the way it should be... That's me... Always getting ahead of myself... I barely started college at the Potiguar Universtity (UnP) and already enrolled in Federal University (UFRN)... At UnP I'm a sophmore majoring in Advertisement and Propaganda and at UFRN I'm a freshman (starts march 28th) majoring in Journalism.... I can barely conciliate work and UnP, imagine a second college... But I'm gonna try... If I cant handle it, I'll just put UFRN off until Ive finished UnP. And work??? I barely make anything as an intern... But if I leave the job, I know I'm gonna miss that money... Once again... I'm gonna give it a try...
Damn!! I try too many things at once... My moms right... I always start a bunch of projects, never finish any of them... Except singing and playing guitar (although I started lessons once but it didnt last a year)... What else??? Surfing... I went, like, ten times straight, then never again... Well, every once in a while I try it again, but in vain... Um... Drawing.... I learned to draw on my own... did many cool ones and then never did any again... hehehehehe... Uh.... Capoeira... I love it to the depths of my heart.. Greatest sport/game in the planet... But I havent been able to fit it in my schedule this past year... Jogging... Did it religiously, three weeks straight... Then, last week I gave up... Got lazy... People!!! What do I do???
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So much to do, so little time...
Well, since I dont know if either bands mentioned in the first topic will work out... My dad finally decided to believe in my inner hidden musical/poetic talents and is going to invest... I'm having a meeting with a singing teacher next monday... Shes gonna help me and my sister learn how to control our voices better and how to take care of 'em... Also, she has a friend that teaches you how to pose yourself onstage, how to perform... Although I don't think I need that (since Ive performed onstage before) Im going to talk to her and get some tips...
Also, we're (my dad and I) going to start looking for sponsors to invest in an album project... I already talked to a music producer I know (hes the best in the state) and hes really excited, he loves my songs, lyrics, melody, everything and says theres potential... It's a heavy load of money though.. R$20,000, or about US$8,000... Remembering that even though in dollars it would cost 8 thousand, 20 thousand reais IS worth 20 thousand dollars... How figure?? A can of coke in the US costs US$1,00... here it costs R$1,00... (that was for people who dont get our moneys worthless value....) Anyway... So, its a pretty expensive project... So we're going to have to find big sponsors... I'm not going to wait for it... This could take months or even years to work out...
Other than all that junk I said before... My dad suggest I started writing short stories and turn them into books... Like, for example, write a bunch of funny, true short stories about lame dates, or classroom mess-ups, or tales from the office... or whatever... Sounds like a good idea since I love to write, and instead of writing worthless junk here, I could write stuff that can have some real use.. heheheheheh..
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Well... that's me for now... This was a boring post, I know... I'm a little unispired, doing some schoolwork... It'll get more interesting, I promisse...
[3/1/2005]
Ummmm.... So I want to write something, but I'm lazy, and I think its been over a month since Ive written something... But no one reads this anyway, so why bother....
Well, maybe I'll post some of my lyrics tomorrow.... I'm in a bad mood. Men suck, money is rotten and my dog just peed in my bedroom... That has been my day so far... Ok so..... That's it.
[1/24/2005]
Things I learned in 2004:
1. No matter how hard you try, how hard you work everyday, your boss will NEVER like you unless you bend over really low and kiss his ass...
2. Getting tanned is fun and is a hot look. But toasting in the sun for 4 hours straight in a single day can make you look like a very red, cooked lobster and leave you laying immobile of pain in your bed for a couple of days. THAT is not fun...
3. Guys who cause a great first impression are probably just trying to get in your pants really fast.. Guys who cause a really bad first impression are just trying to flirt and are really bad at it but if you fall for it, their gonna try to get in your pants sooner or later... In other words, they all just wanna get laid.
4. Someone once said: "No such thing as the perfect man". That person was wrong. I found the perfect man. He was charming, good-looking, successfull, intellingent, funny, loving, caring, respectfull, faithfull, and all other characteristics we all look for in the perfect guy... Oh yeah! And he was gay....
5. You don't believe! You can't accept it! Its just too wrong! Its disgusting! But.... yes... your parents DO have sex... Its how you came to this world.
6. College is just another excuse to have somewhere to go to flirt, drink and smoke...
7. Sometimes, its good to get trashed drunk and not remember a thing the next day. You get to miss out on the horrible-toothless guy you kissed, you have no idea how you smashed the car, you don't remember falling on your butt with your legs up (dressed in a skirt) and you dont remember how you got home (which can be a blessing)... But also it can make you sleep in the stairs outside your house because you couldnt find your keys (which were in your left pocket by the way).
8. As much as people say that saying "I Love You" is outdated, it feels incredibly good when you say it and even better when you hear it. Say I love you as much as you can, its good for the heart.
9. Your sister isnt really the innocent sweet little girl who doesnt do anything wrong that everyone thought she was. She simply watches you closely and makes sure that she does the exact opposite of the shitty things you do. And she perfects your shit-doing techniques so no one ever knows about it (AND she never shares them with you... brat!)
10. No matter how much you dream, how much you want it to happen.. your half-a-minimum-wage-salary as an intern WILL NOT help you to buy a car, rent an apartment and pay your own celphone bills... Its hopeless... Just stick it in your head once and for all: You are stuck with your parents.... Get used to it!!
That was a short list... When I remember some of the other great usefull things I learned in 2004 I'll make sure to post them here...
Me at the beach two days ago... Getting sun tanned... Great day!
After taking a close look at this picture I realized that I REALLY should head back to the gym... IMMEDIATLY!!!
[1/17/2005]
"And so you came...
And so you came like the things in life that we know will come, but that keep us waiting too long, but you came, you came home and you came to stay and you said you were going to stay forever because more than anything, much more than anything you adored me
and you asked me with your sweet sweet way, with a look in your eyes like you were afraid of loosing me, and you asked me to never leave you, asked me to never abandon you
and who am I to abandon you when my biggest fear is to be abandoned by you
but I know that that will never happen because the will to stay together is bigger than the fear of slipping away and to be apart is a concept that does not exist for us
it's crazy to think of it, and lets not think of it anymore because we are crazy
and our madness blinds us and our madness binds us
and in our madness we decided we would stay
and now theres no way out,
you are mine and I am yours and we are one
and in our madness we found our way"
Ok... whatever... Like I said, inspiring means GAY to me... I wrote that when I was still with my last boyfriend.. Its actually a translation, I wrote it in portuguese first.. And to tell you the truth its beautiful in portuguese... In english its weird... but anyway.. like I said... No Noble-prize-award-winning-material...
This guy up there is the real man in my life... He's the one who listen to me go on and on about useless shit all night long while he obsessively licks his privates and munches on my "Havaianas"... He's the guy I know that would never leave me (specially cuz I always buy his favourite cookie) and the only one I actually feel safe sleeping with at night! hehehehehe
What would I do without you Mikey??
Ok... Just to start fresh and get rid of the boring part once and for all, here's an overview of my life right now...
I'm 19 years old, recently turned blonde (although I love my natural dark brown, I needed a big change), working as an intern at the comunication department (advertising) of the University (I call it The Agency) for 5 hours daily, 5 days a week and barely getting paid (thus, slavery...). Which was fine when I was still studying, but now, its vacation time, everyones at the beach and I'm stuck here in the office spending the entire afternoon dragging through the internet since, of course, the University is also on vacation and were the only department still working and theres nothing to do.. Well... Thats life...
Im on my second year of college (majoring in Advertising) and just recently took an exam to get into another University (the best one in the state) to study Jornalism... Results come out February 3rd... If I get in, I'm gonna throw the hugest barbecue ever, get completely trashed and Carnaval (which is 2 days later) is going to be even a bigger mess for me... *Of course, if I pass, it also means that I'm going to have to study for two different majors at the same time.. Study two shifts and work a third one... Life is gonna be hell... * Anyway, if I DON'T pass, I'll probably cry and throw a horrible fit and probably trash my room, break some stuff.... Yeah right!!!! If I don't pass then WHAT THE HELL! Im already studying, who cares how many majors I have... So if I dont get in, Im just gonna go enjoy my carnaval and drink till I pass out everyday (man I gotta watch out for myself)!
*** Anyway... that's my academic life... :)
Love life... Ok... Don't have one right now... Broke up with the boyfriend (former) about 4 months ago cuz the bastard cheated on me (with one of my friends from work).... Of course, here in Brazil, men are bigger scum than in other countries which means that cheating isnt as low as it gets... He called a couple of days ago asking for money... now THAT is low... If there are any men reading this... ever!!! Hear this advice... When youre dating a girl, you shouldn't ask her for money, it doens't mean you cant, but you shouldn't... But, if youre dating a girl, cheat on her with her friend, and then disappear... Do NOT, EVER, IN ANY OCCASION, call her 4 months later to ask for money!!!!! Women usually keep calm, but when a woman gets pissed!!! Its a run-for-your-life fit-throwing frenzy!
So basically I'm single, partying everytime I can, meeting new guys, seeing fresh faces, drinking a bit, hooking up when I can and just enjoying myself...
Thats about all that's going on with my life now... Any questions... Just ask!
*I started this blog thingy so I could put the stuff that I write on public space... I'm no noble prize winner so I dont want anybody to expect great literature... Its the kinda of stuff you put on paper when you are incredibly depressed, or in love, or completely drunk and smashed, or when youre in the shower taking a bath and a tune comes to mind and you start singing really loud, off-tune and scaring the hell out of the neighbors, or when you suddenly feel inspired (how GAY!!!) and think of a good rhyme, rhythm or tune. *
A bit about me
Name: Larissa Fernandes
Age: 19 and not getting any younger
Right now I'm reading: Italian For Brazilians, Ecce Homo (Nietszche) and some other stuff...
What I'm listening to nowadays: Our Lady Peace, Dashboard Confessional,
Something Corporate and Matchbox Twenty...
MSN: laripf@hotmail.com
E-mails:
laripf@hotmail.com
Paradise in which I live: Natal, Brazil
Sites and Blogs
Meeting good people: Orkut
My Fotolog: Lala's Fotolog
My Other Fotolog:(yes, I'm a sucker fot this stuff) My Other Fotolog
My Brazilian Blog: Lala´s Blog
Cant think of anything else.. I'll put some more later